Fall, Falling, Fell

Well hello there. Welcome to Fall. I think it is kind of telling what kind of season this is by the name alone. Who said, "let's name the next three months after something that can kill you!" Or at least skin your knee.

Ok, there are things I do like about Fall. Things like such as Pumpkin Spice Lattes, red and orange and yellow leaves, Thanksgiving, sunny trail rides, and more time for reading and writing.

It's just that this year in Portland our Summer was so short- I still wonder if it even happened. Portland friends, did we have Summer this year? Because I'm pretty sure we had a gray, wet Spring that turned in to a gray, wet Fall. Hmmmmm.....

It may be time for a ten month vacation to Costa Rica. At this point I feel like I could sit my ass on the beach and drink pina coladas and swim in the ocean for a long, long time.

Spirit Week

Well, we have A living with us and it is a blast in a glass (that's for you, Deena). This morning I spray colored his hair red for "crazy hair day", and yesterday he was Harry Potter for "super hero day". Hilarious. And so fun!

The thing about having another person in the house is that I am learning how to take efficiency (read, "mania") to new levels. For example, last night I did the dishes and brushed my teeth at the same time. I am proud of this accomplishment. In general I am trying to reduce my multi-tasking habits to preserve sanity, but there are times that call for a whatever-it-takes, cut-throat mentality just to get to bed sooner.

Thankful

Contentment is a rare feeling for me, but I find that if I focus on being thankful contentment usually follows. We are two to three weeks out with getting our proctor kids, and I am incredibly thankful for the support we've already received from our friends and family. This whole thing would be much more daunting if we were trying to do it alone.

Another thing I am thankful for is artists who are able to express truth and meaning when I am not. Change is hard, and art is a comfort to me. Last night I read "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf". I loved this book, and Ntozake Shange's ability to put words to complex experiences creates a connection with the reader on an intuitive, emotional, and very real level.

Here's one of the poems, "One Thing I Don't Need/Sorry":

one thing i don’t need
is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs
i don’t know what to do wit em
they dont open doors
or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry

i am simply tired
of collectin
i didnt know
i was so important toyou
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say yr sorry
call somebody
else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/ didnt meanta/ & how could i know about that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/ i’m gonna soothe mine

you were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death
talkin bout you sorry
well
i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake
loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it

i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability & close talk
& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein yrself

Bittersweet

I keep trying to post incredibly amazing wonderful posts, but I don't have a camera that I can use to add pictures to my posts to break up my profound words, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone with a deluge of pure profund-ness. Mmmmmhmmm.

Anyway, it looks like we will be moving out of our condo and into an apartment in the next week or so. I am SO EXCITED to be done living in limbo, but it is sad to leave our first place as home owners. When we first moved here I definitely referred to myself as a "home owner" more than occasionally.

What this move means, however, is that we will get our proctor kids soon! What a crazy, fun adventure that will be =). Our training is complete, our fingerprints are turned in, and we are CPR/First Aid certified. Although if any of the children need CPR or First Aid that will be Josh's department. Just kidding (kind of)!

More details when plans get finalized.

Art Project

This is the story of how I came to do an art project:

Josh: Graham and Mandi invited us over to dinner.

Jen: Yum.

Josh: It's art project night so bring an art project.

Jen: !@#$%^&*&^%$##

I appreciate art. I admire artists. I am secretly (or not so secretly) jealous of people who can create beautiful things. But, I've never had much success with the dreaded "art project"; this probably started with my attempt as a 5 year old to make an angel for the Christmas tree out of a toilet paper roll (what adult in my life thought that was a confidence-boosting art project anyway?!).

So, when Josh announced that it was art project night at our super creative friends' house I just about caught a deathly cold and needed to stay home for the night. Instead I mustered up all my courage, bought a $12 picture frame at Ikea, Googled "how to clean an old painting" (answer from the interwebs: DON'T DO THIS IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE), rolled my eyes, turned off my computer, threw some q-tips and cotton balls in a baggie, and threw them in my purse along with a bottle of Dr Bronner's magic soap.

After a lovely dinner it was art project time. This was my art project: cleaning and re-framing an old painting that had been in my family for a couple of generations. The painting was done by my great great uncle in Spain and depicts a flamenco dancer performing in a plaza. It's not valuable, but has sentimental value to me since I remember it in my grandparents' house when I was a kid.

I broke the old frame off (it was literally nailed to the painting, which was done on wood) and got started. Contrary to all the advice on the internet I dipped a q-tip directly into the soap and started cleaning (yes, I'm rocking a horse t-shirt).

See the line on her skirt where it's partially cleaned?!

Ta-da!

It looks great in the frame, but we didn't get any pictures of it and I am currently camera-less. I am so happy that I tried this and that it worked! Check out Mandi's blog to see her super-creative self: mandimakes.blogspot.com. Have you ever been pleasantly surprised by an art project success?

Catching Up

Well, well, well. It's been a while.

I have been wrestling a lot lately with the idea of self worth/value. Specifically, if I am not spending my days in a "social worky" job, am I still a human being with value. Now, of course, I believe that this is true for other people, but sometimes it is more difficult to apply to myself. Layered on top of that question is the guilt for feeling that way. I am REALLY good at feeling guilty.

Honestly, I am afraid of not spending my time wisely and feeling like a major failure if I'm not moving ahead in my career and working with a specific population. The truth is, I love my new job. I love the people I work with. They are challenging my assumptions about the human race by being transparent, kind, and genuinely caring. For example, today I cried at work because everyone was so fucking nice. I felt lame, Josh said it was good for me, and I remembered the last time I cried at work was because I thought someone was going to die or something.

Anyway, we are about half way done with our foster parent training and I am so excited to get some delinquent children! We are in the process of selling our condo (not cool that strangers walk around in my house and look at our stuff, not cool) and finding a new place to live. I keep showing Josh pictures of cute, little farm houses in the middle of nowhere and he says something about community and being able to use public transportation. Then I say, "What does it mean? Double rainbow!" But I digress.

In the meantime I hope to keep up on this blog better- writing is cathartic and I have read about 800 books this year already so I should write some book reviews to keep track of what I've read!

How is 2011 shaping up for you?

Thanks for reading and for your comments!

Valentine's Day Recap and a Veggie Recipe

First, thank you to all of you who left such nice comments on my last post! It means so much to us to know our friends and family support these irrational choices =).

Valentine's Day at our house is never a big holiday, and this year I relied on that knowledge and the fact that Josh brought me flowers on my first day of work when I made the decision to treat Valentine's Day like any other day. Namely, going to work, spending time with my adorable mentoree (eating pink cupcakes and drinking coffee), riding my horse, and going grocery shopping. By the time I got home at 9:45pm there were a dozen red roses, a clean house, a card, and chocolate waiting for me! I was SO surprised. And happy.

See the top middle piece? This was my favorite- milk chocolate and honey. YUM.

I've made vegetarian meals all week, and so far it's going well. I am not missing meat, but I don't know if I can give up milk and cheese. We'll see.

The first recipe I want to share is this colorful, flavorful, filling baked dish: I modified the recipe from the New York Times (original here).

Veggie Bake

Brown 2 tablespoons, 1 chopped carrot, 1 chopped celery rib, 1 chopped small onion, 4 cloves garlic in large saucepan

Add 2.5 cups of water, 1 small can tomato paste, 1 can butter beans or lima beans or white beans, 1 bay leaf, 1 teaspoon herbes de Provence, 1 teaspoon parsley, salt and pepper to taste, and simmer

Rinse well 1 bunch of kale and rip into small pieces and add to saucepan (leaving out the stems), and stir

Transfer contents of saucepan to 13x9 pan and bake for 2.5 hours at 250 degrees. Sprinkle 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs on top and bake for an additional 10 minutes at 300 degrees.

I served it with pita, hummus, and a sliced apple. The pita was really good dipped in the casserole. I hope some of you try it and let me know if you liked it! Also, I almost didn't purchase the herbes de Provence thinking it wasn't very important, but I think they really made the dish!

This picture doesn't really do it justice- it was actually very pretty =).