I have been wrestling a lot lately with the idea of self worth/value. Specifically, if I am not spending my days in a "social worky" job, am I still a human being with value. Now, of course, I believe that this is true for other people, but sometimes it is more difficult to apply to myself. Layered on top of that question is the guilt for feeling that way. I am REALLY good at feeling guilty.
Honestly, I am afraid of not spending my time wisely and feeling like a major failure if I'm not moving ahead in my career and working with a specific population. The truth is, I love my new job. I love the people I work with. They are challenging my assumptions about the human race by being transparent, kind, and genuinely caring. For example, today I cried at work because everyone was so fucking nice. I felt lame, Josh said it was good for me, and I remembered the last time I cried at work was because I thought someone was going to die or something.
Anyway, we are about half way done with our foster parent training and I am so excited to get some delinquent children! We are in the process of selling our condo (not cool that strangers walk around in my house and look at our stuff, not cool) and finding a new place to live. I keep showing Josh pictures of cute, little farm houses in the middle of nowhere and he says something about community and being able to use public transportation. Then I say, "What does it mean? Double rainbow!" But I digress.
In the meantime I hope to keep up on this blog better- writing is cathartic and I have read about 800 books this year already so I should write some book reviews to keep track of what I've read!
How is 2011 shaping up for you?
Thanks for reading and for your comments!
I read! I liked! I sympathize with the self value coming from doing meaningful things (eg: pcs vs jet). But yeah, it's good for you, especially the meeting kind people part-- that's so awesome! Happy for you during this time. Thanks for writing , I'd been wondering if I'd been missing some posts... Love you!!!
ReplyDelete"I am so excited to get some delinquent children!" - best line of the post.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear your job transition has been going smoothly and your new coworkers are challenging you. That's always the best, even when tears are involved.
Josh is right about public transit. It's a blessing. I know this because I live in Kansas where public transportation doesn't exist and if you don't own 3 vehicles - one being a truck - you're stupid.
Miss you big friend! Hugs, Dana.
I like reading what you write Jen. Keep it up. :-)
ReplyDeleteAny good book recommendations? Looking forward to catching up in person next week.
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